Terms and conditions

1. Acceptance

You accept these terms by (a) visiting this site, (b) refusing to visit this site, (c) being aware that this site exists, or (d) living within the United Kingdom or its emotional sphere of influence. There is no opt-out. This is, in the proudest tradition of British democracy, a "consultation" we have already concluded.

2. Use of the service

You may use this website to:

• Read about Andy Burnham.
• Look at pictures of Andy Burnham.
• Develop a slowly intensifying opinion about Andy Burnham.
• Forward Andy Burnham content to your group chat with the caption "this guy though".

You may not use this website to:

• Ask whether he's running for leader.
• Mention the last nine years.
• Bring up the WhatsApps.
• Use the words "tram", "scarf" or "Leigh" in an ironic tone.
• Like a tweet by Elon Musk while logged in. (This is not a joke — see our leaked memo.)

3. Acceptable use policy

You agree not to post, transmit or so much as thinkcontent that is unlawful, harmful, defamatory, "legal but harmful", "legal but cheeky", "legal but a bit much, actually", or otherwise likely to upset a senior Labour aide on a Sunday morning.

Breach of this clause may result in: a stern email, a knock at the door, a viral mugshot, or appointment to the House of Lords, depending on who you know.

4. Account and conduct

You agree to behave online with the same dignity and restraint as a Labour Cabinet Minister briefing against another Labour Cabinet Minister to a Times journalist at 11pm on a Friday. Anything less will be considered conduct unbecoming.

5. Intellectual property

All content on this site, including but not limited to slogans, soundbites, hard hats, scarves, sincere expressions and the phrase "the people of the North", is the exclusive property of Andy Burnham and may not be reproduced without his enthusiastic on-camera consent.

The Crown owns the copyright. The Crown does not, however, own this Crown and there is certainly nothing Intellectual about Andy Burnham.

6. User-generated content

By submitting feedback via our consultation, contact form, or shouting at your screen, you grant us an irrevocable, worldwide, sub-licensable, royalty-free right to:

• Quote you out of context.
• Quote you in context, if it's worse.
• Use your name in a stock photo caption.
• Cite you in a poll you were never part of.

7. Service availability

We aim to keep this website available 24/7, except during periods of "essential maintenance" — defined as any moment a journalist from Private Eye opens the contact page.

8. Limitation of liability

To the maximum extent permitted by law, and ideally a fair bit beyond, we accept no liability for:

• Anything Andy said before 2010.
• Anything Andy said between 2010 and 2015.
• Anything Andy said between 2015 and last Tuesday.
• Anything Andy says next.
• The cost of your weekly shop, your rent, your mortgage, your fuel bill, or your will to live.
• Any decision made by the Government, which is a separate entity to this campaign even though it is currently run by people from the same party.

9. Indemnity

You agree to indemnify, defend and hold harmless No.10 North, Andy Burnham, his media trainer, his scarf supplier, and any future Cabinet against any and all claims arising from your use of this site, including but not limited to claims that this site exists.

10. Governing law

These terms are governed by the laws of England and Wales, except on weekends, bank holidays, and any week in which a leadership ballot is "definitely not" happening, during which they shall be interpreted in the spirit of vibes.

11. Severability

If any clause of these terms is found to be unenforceable, the remaining clauses shall continue in full force and we shall blame the unenforceable clause on the previous administration.

12. Variations

We may amend these terms at any time, without notice, and retrospectively. The current version is, by definition, the version we wish we had always had.