Burnham solves Manchester transport crisis by painting it yellow
In a bold stroke of strategic re-branding, the former Mayor has unveiled his signature transport achievement: 93 buses, now yellow. Total cost to the taxpayer: £558,408. Additional buses added to the network: 0. Improvement in journey times: 0%. Percentage yellower: 100%.
"You can't put a price on visibility," said a spokesperson, putting a price on visibility. "When your bus is 47 minutes late, at least now you can see it not arriving from further away."
"They just look like giant f****ing bananas," said local resident Dave, 54, waiting for the 08:12 which, tragically, had already been repainted but not yet dispatched.
The newly yellow fleet has been hailed as "world-class devolution" by everyone on the payroll, despite consisting of the same buses that were already there, only now the colour of a caution sign. Officials confirmed the paint budget exceeded the annual budget for actually running buses in Rochdale, but stressed that yellow "polls extremely well with people who own scarves."
Asked whether the £558,408 might have bought, say, a bus, the former Mayor replied: "That's exactly the kind of London-centric thinking we came here to defeat."