Privacy policy

1. Who we are

We are the team behind No.10 North — a perma-campaign operating out of Manchester, a tram, a TV studio in Salford, and increasingly, a row of empty seats in the Commons. For the purposes of UK GDPR we are the "data controller". For the purposes of accountability we are "currently unavailable".

2. Data we collect

• Your name, address, and which Labour faction you secretly prefer.
• Your IP address, your ISP, and your hot takes before you delete them.
• The exact second you closed our "Vote Andy" pop-up, for grievance-tracking purposes.
• Any tweet you've liked since 2009, cross-referenced with the Online Safety Act schedule.
• Your postcode, to determine whether you count as "the North" or "people we'll worry about later".
• Your facial expression while reading the Prime Minister's speeches (via your laptop camera, with your implied, retrospective, slightly coerced consent).

3. How we use your data

We use your data to:

• Send you targeted leaflets featuring Andy in a hard hat (Northern voters), Andy in a suit (London voters), or Andy in a scarf (everyone, all year round).
• Compile a poll showing 64% support for Andy, which we then commission YouGov to verify.
• Quietly forward anything spicy to the Home Office, the Met, and a WhatsApp group called "Project Plan B 🤫".
• Train our internal AI, "ScarfGPT", to generate authentic Northern soundbites at industrial scale.

4. Lawful basis

Our lawful basis for processing your data is "legitimate interest", namely our interest in becoming Prime Minister. The Information Commissioner has been informed via a strongly-worded press release and an unanswered voicemail.

5. Who we share it with

• The Labour Party — but only the bit that's pretending to support this campaign.
• The Government — when they ask nicely, which is always, and via the back door, which is also always.
• Police forces — for the purpose of arresting people who have posted "concerning things" online. (See our internal memo, which you were absolutely not supposed to see.)
• "Strategic partners" — i.e. donors. We don't ask, they don't tell, everyone wins.
• Trump's people — strictly to reassure them that "Britain has a long and proud tradition of free speech", whilst not mentioning anything else on this page.

6. International transfers

Your data may be transferred outside the UK to jurisdictions with "adequate" protection — i.e. anywhere we've recently had a friendly chat with a foreign leader and forgotten to write it down.

7. How long we keep it

We retain your personal data for as long as is "necessary", where "necessary" is defined as "until Andy is Prime Minister, plus two further terms, plus the inevitable memoir".

8. Your rights

You have the following rights under UK GDPR:

• The right to be informed — see this page, which we have made deliberately long.
• The right of access — submit a Subject Access Request and we will respond within 30 days, by which we mean 30 working months.
• The right to rectification — if your data is wrong, we will correct it to be slightly more flattering to Andy.
• The right to erasure — you may request deletion. We will move your file from the "Active" cabinet to the "Active (deleted)" cabinet.
• The right to object — you may object. We will note your objection in a list called "People who object".

If in doubt, you no longer have any rights here in the UK as we the Labour party have been working super hard since Brexit to erase any rights you once enjoyed as a British citizen and will continue to erode any other remaining rights that are lingering. You are ours as British subjects and we will do with you as we please. Andy decides.

9. Complaints

If you are unhappy with how we have handled your data, you may complain to the Information Commissioner's Office. You may also complain to us via our Avoiding questions page, where a trained official will deflect your concerns at world-class level.