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Use the form below. Your message will be carefully filed, then lost, then blamed on Westminster.
Your name
As it should appear on the bin we file this in.
Email address
What is your enquiry about?
A policy that affects my life
A pothole on the M60
A leadership bid that isn't happening
A scarf-related complaint
Other (will be ignored faster)
Your message
Keep it under 280 characters — that's all anyone reads.
How would you prefer to be ignored?
By email
By post
Via a leaked briefing in The Times
All of the above
Send and forget